Saturday, December 11, 2010

Some Thoughts With Christmas In The Wings

A shower of leaves fall as the cold wind snapping through the autumn air splatters about my office window.  A rust brown squirrel bounds along the fence and jumps up into the redwood tree staring across at me.  Christmas music bears in on me as I ponder the next move I will make in my head first plunge into trusting Jesus for everything.  I don’t really need any presents and my lifelong plan to be a successful something has dimmed even while I finish a book on why I need to be successful and why it is so crucial I gain favor in the quest for God’s consuming blessing.  Why is it so small, this urge to make it and make big?  Why do I miss the old days of wanting and needing and craving and pleading and missing and searching?  The good old days were ones of pursuit and action.  Today I pray and wait.  I trust God and it seems unnatural, sluggish, wasteful.  Have I lost my mind…or my soul?  What I am most comfortable embracing…frustration, worry and busyness are bywords for the pursuit of everything I wanted and hoped would be mine.  My heart could not contain my provocation at making good on my promise, my potential.  This is ebbing though as I bear in on Christ and He bears in on me.  I cannot stand the thought of wasting time sitting and praying when my mind is such an avalanche of activity and turmoil…but it is a day and it is time to wait…as success ebbs away.  I wonder what Mary thought as she succumbed to a God she barely knew and to a plan she never would have chosen, giving way to a failure she could not stop.   The virgin with a husband in waiting let loose her reputation and her portion with the secure and made God her home.   Elizabeth called her blessed.  I would too!

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