A shower of leaves fall as the cold wind snapping through the autumn air splatters about my office window. A rust brown squirrel bounds along the fence and jumps up into the redwood tree staring across at me. Christmas music bears in on me as I ponder the next move I will make in my head first plunge into trusting Jesus for everything. I don’t really need any presents and my lifelong plan to be a successful something has dimmed even while I finish a book on why I need to be successful and why it is so crucial I gain favor in the quest for God’s consuming blessing. Why is it so small, this urge to make it and make big? Why do I miss the old days of wanting and needing and craving and pleading and missing and searching? The good old days were ones of pursuit and action. Today I pray and wait. I trust God and it seems unnatural, sluggish, wasteful. Have I lost my mind…or my soul? What I am most comfortable embracing…frustration, worry and busyness are bywords for the pursuit of everything I wanted and hoped would be mine. My heart could not contain my provocation at making good on my promise, my potential. This is ebbing though as I bear in on Christ and He bears in on me. I cannot stand the thought of wasting time sitting and praying when my mind is such an avalanche of activity and turmoil…but it is a day and it is time to wait…as success ebbs away. I wonder what Mary thought as she succumbed to a God she barely knew and to a plan she never would have chosen, giving way to a failure she could not stop. The virgin with a husband in waiting let loose her reputation and her portion with the secure and made God her home. Elizabeth called her blessed. I would too!
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