No Fault Divorce
Some
Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife?"
Mark 10:2 NIV
When a relationship of yours is broken, how do you
know it is your fault? For some they are
never at fault. Surely you don’t fit
into this category of people but most have trouble accepting blame when they
are squarely in the midst of an argument.
It is too satisfying to keep at it, to keep pounding away at fault, keep
hammering the point. The ability to
shut-up in the middle of a fight is a God-send, but only if it results in a
change of direction. Given our tendency
to lay blame, it is almost a pipe dream to hope that we could see our fault in
a matter when we are steamed. Adam and
Eve proved that at the heart of sin is a propensity to lay blame, to find fault
without rather than within. One of the
clear signals that we have erred and perhaps erred badly is a righteous anger
that we have been wronged. Consider the
admonitions we find in scripture regarding fractured relationships. "Therefore, if you are offering your
gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against
you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to
your brother; then come and offer your gift.
(Matthew 5:23-24 NIV) "But
I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless
those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28 NIV) "Do
not judge, or you too will be judged.”
(Matthew 7:1-2 NIV) "Why
do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention
to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the
speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see
clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:3-5 NIV) But
I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right
cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matthew 5:39-40 NIV)
The weight of scripture is stacked against you if
you are making your case in a broken relationship. Whatever argument you may have wedged into
your fight, whether spoken or unspoken is nearly always wrong or at least
irrelevant. There is almost no room for
squaring things off; at least if you are pretty certain it is the other
person’s corner that is misaligned. Our
bent heart rarely gets it right when we begin to assess blame. Sin warps our view of nearly every accusation
we have; we are much more likely to get it wrong when we are incensed than have
grasped the right thread of a matter.
Nothing violates our life with God more than playing the judge in our
disagreements; acting as the accuser in our fractured relationships. Fault may be shown but most likely it will
only be our own that we find uncovered in the rubble. Better to forgive, ignore or let go than
fight on and try to take it to the mat. Adam
knew it was his wife’s fault but right or wrong in his assumption, he was given
bitter toil for life for his part…one must wonder what God would have done
instead if he had simply said he was wrong and left the matter at that…leaving
Eve out of it. We know our God’s
mercy. Why trifle with his patience by
keeping our fights alive when we can simply end them with forgiveness and a
resolve to give up the cloak demanded of us?
Blessed still are the peacemakers for they will be
called the sons of God. Isn’t it
better to be happy than cling to a warped form of rightness?
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