No Fault Divorce

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"

Mark 10:2 NIV

When a relationship of yours is broken, how do you know it is your fault?  For some they are never at fault.  Surely you don’t fit into this category of people but most have trouble accepting blame when they are squarely in the midst of an argument.  It is too satisfying to keep at it, to keep pounding away at fault, keep hammering the point.  The ability to shut-up in the middle of a fight is a God-send, but only if it results in a change of direction.  Given our tendency to lay blame, it is almost a pipe dream to hope that we could see our fault in a matter when we are steamed.  Adam and Eve proved that at the heart of sin is a propensity to lay blame, to find fault without rather than within.  One of the clear signals that we have erred and perhaps erred badly is a righteous anger that we have been wronged.  Consider the admonitions we find in scripture regarding fractured relationships.  "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV)  "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28 NIV) "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”  (Matthew 7:1-2 NIV)  "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:3-5 NIV) But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matthew 5:39-40 NIV)

The weight of scripture is stacked against you if you are making your case in a broken relationship.  Whatever argument you may have wedged into your fight, whether spoken or unspoken is nearly always wrong or at least irrelevant.  There is almost no room for squaring things off; at least if you are pretty certain it is the other person’s corner that is misaligned.  Our bent heart rarely gets it right when we begin to assess blame.  Sin warps our view of nearly every accusation we have; we are much more likely to get it wrong when we are incensed than have grasped the right thread of a matter.  Nothing violates our life with God more than playing the judge in our disagreements; acting as the accuser in our fractured relationships.  Fault may be shown but most likely it will only be our own that we find uncovered in the rubble.  Better to forgive, ignore or let go than fight on and try to take it to the mat.  Adam knew it was his wife’s fault but right or wrong in his assumption, he was given bitter toil for life for his part…one must wonder what God would have done instead if he had simply said he was wrong and left the matter at that…leaving Eve out of it.  We know our God’s mercy.  Why trifle with his patience by keeping our fights alive when we can simply end them with forgiveness and a resolve to give up the cloak demanded of us?  Blessed still are the peacemakers for they will be called the sons of God.  Isn’t it better to be happy than cling to a warped form of rightness?