Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Just Quit


Yesterday I took my kids to a baseball game and we sat next to a group of guys who were entertained by screaming at the pitcher of the oposing team who was warming up in the bullpen. "You are gonna give up a home run!" "You're no good!" "You call that a fastball?" "Just give up!" Of course they had some spicier terms also that they hurled down at the bullpen. My boys were pretty surprised by the vitrolic quality of the comments...they didn't use the word vitrolic...they caled them angry drunks. Of course Jacob and Noah aren't used to that kind of behavior since all they know are Little League games where all (almost all) of the fans are encouragers. The more I considered the comments, the more kin they seemed to what I hear in my own head as I wade through pastoral responsibilities and my work connected to ministry. I am certain it is Satan who hurls the spite and levels the accusations but many of the criticisms and characterizations feel pretty dead on. Some of the attacks I can't quite fend off and they stick. So what do I do with all my "just quit" plaque clogging my heart? I wish I could say I just bring it to Jesus but it never is quite that simple. The finiteness of my vision makes it very difficult to see anywhere much past what I have done, the response I receive from others and the silence guarding my efforts. If I could just get one "ata boy!" from God, I would probably be pretty satisfied but that doesn't seem to come often enough to keep me clearheaded as I "fight the good fight". We do see through a glass dimly, our vision blurred by the frailties of our efforts, the quietness of our friends and the scorn of our critics but that does not mean it all ends there. We press on because there is an end in sight where we will finally be cheered openly by the only One who really knows what we have attempted. Why God doesn't just give us all a group of cheering fans who love our work and applaud us onward, I do not know. But I am certain of this. It was pretty lonely in the Garden of Gethsemane and I am most thankful Jesus went on with what He had to do... So there it is. Press on! Victory is despite appearances, within reach!

Friday, April 25, 2008

One Shouldn't Equal Ten


Last night Rachel told me I was the best dad! I asked her if she meant that I was the best dad she had and she responded, "No dad, you know what I mean!" I couldn't argue with that...not that I think I am as she put it, "the best dad in the world". Why is it that criticism sticks so harshly in us like a twisting Ninja star and the compliments we get are so liquid and slippery? It is such a bane, this hurt we carry when one critic disdains our best efforts and ten give us the thumbs up and we barely notice them. I will pursue this one step further. If we are all so painfully aware how awful it feels to be turned away and so greedy for even the smallest of compliments, why are we so frugal with our praise and so quick to critique? Have we only got a limited supply of kind and generous words...like Essau begging for just a morsel of blessing from his dad Isaac, we are all starved for a bit of thoughtful praise. I don't get it. Why do I so closely monitor my compliments? What evil gets in me that makes me think I have not enough kind things to say to people to last this little lifetime? Will I run out if I say something generous? I don't know if it has been proven but I bet my friends who say nice and kind things to me have better and more joyful lives than those who don't. And so too for me. I bet those who outdo me on this praise thing live better than I do. Thanks Rachel for letting me have a glimpse at how good life can be when I think the waitress is the best waitress in the world and my friend is the best friend in the world and my doctor the best doctor in the world and the missionary speaker the best missionary speaker in the world and that even if you are my only daughter, you are the best daughter in the world. We may run out of oil...I just hope we don't run out of praise.

By the way...Nicole D. your courage is astonishingly lovely...and Greg you are equally amazing as you keep going when the world is spinning wildly about you!!!

Moving The Center




Take the most insignificant detail of your life. A pebble on the ground before you….a glance into the mirror…a forgotten conversation with a co-worker…the Swanson’s frozen dinner last Monday…the toothpaste you picked up from Walgreen’s on the way home from the dentist. Why did you decide these moments were insignificant? Was it the little attention you paid them, the lack of relevance to anything else you did, the low impact they had on your retirement plans? How come the stock market crash in 1929 led to so many suicides and my four month old daughter spitting up on my shirt went unnoticed and forgotten in both my inner world and the universe at large? What strange magical electrode in your brain sparks and sets off a chime warning “this is important” or more legitimately, what triggers the dump mode, sending so much of experience into the recycle bin of your soul?

If we could be brutally honest just for a moment, most of life is terribly boring. No one cares that you had a tuna fish sandwich for lunch and the TV show you watch tonight with such rapt attention will be completely forgotten next week…or tomorrow. You go to work and you go home and next week you go to work and go home and for forty years you go to work and go home and then you make a major shift, you eat your lunch at home and go to Wall-mart in the afternoon. Six billion of us will live and die and five Billion, nine Hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety eight thousand will never know it happened. Or maybe more...

What if you never lived? Would it cause a ripple in the tide or a shift in the alignment of the continents? Of course not! And by your living, does the star Alpha Centauri burn any brighter or democracy shine any more in America? No…So does it really matter what you do or don’t do? Now that is a completely different question. I recently posted on my blog a short discussion on how universal the tendency is to see everything almost exclusively from one’s own perspective. Of course that can be a bad if you are self-centered and ugly about your lack of interest in others but it is the way we are. We cannot really get into anyone else’s head any more than they can get into ours. We live, even with so many all around us, isolated. The most important journey any of us make in life is the one outside our minds, outside our wants and dreams and hopes…it is the journey away from ourselves.

There is a quite strange passage in the Old Testament that took me years to get a handle for understanding. Honestly, most times I read it I came away flummoxed by God’s hardness, His strident harshness. Every criticism leveled against God by unbelievers seems illustrated in this account. God is just mean, He makes big things out of little things, He is all about rules and takes the fun out of life. I think most people who don’t believe in God aren’t so impressed by the evidence He doesn’t exist, it is just they don’t like what they see of God and close their eyes to His presence, creating a network of proofs to do away with the God they don’t want. This incident I am talking about in 1 Samuel is the very sort of thing atheists and agnostics and anti Christians point to as reasons for not believing. If God is God, why would He be like this? Why so stubbornly hard and unbending?

The account is found in 1 Samuel 13. Saul had recently been appointed king over all Israel by Samuel, the prophet of God. Samuel’s authority came from his position as spokesman for the Lord and all the people respected his clear sense of God’s guidance nationally. Israel was formed, not as a democracy, not as a monarchy, not as a socialist state but rather as a people governed by God and every time they strayed from that mooring, the entire country fell into chaos and pain. But now, for the first time, a king was being appointed to lead the people and it was a bittersweet moment. Saul, as the new king had lots of promise. He had a talent for leading large numbers of people. He was tall, good looking and bright. His ability to raise up an army and instill confidence in a vision was becoming clear. The future looked bright for Israel with Saul at the helm.

But if Israel was to be a nation that followed God as ultimate King, then the most crucial skill set Saul had to have was making God king of his own heart. The first great test of this came with the invasion of Israel by the vast army of the Philistines. Saul had been told by the prophet Samuel that God absolutely did not want Saul to just do things on his own. He was to go down to Gilgal and wait seven days until Samuel returned and then Samuel would make a set of burnt offerings and a fellowship offering for all the men and after that, God’s instructions would be handed to Saul.

What follows is most perplexing but not surprising given our understanding of human nature. Saul’s son Jonathon, a courageous and reckless spirit, got the Philistines stirred up by attacking one of their outposts. Saul had already conscripted an army of three thousand men but when the Philistines arrived with their army “as numerous as the sand on the seashore”, Saul faced his first true crisis as king. Wanting to be faithful, Saul waited the seven days for Samuel but when the morning of the seventh day arrived with no Samuel in sight, Saul took matters into his own hands. All week, his men had been deserting. The Philistines, without ever firing off an arrow or swinging a sword were, by just camping nearby, decimating Saul’s fledgling army. As the early morning sun broke across the sky, Saul called for a heifer to be brought him and roasted it on the camp fire as an offering to God. But just as he was finishing, Samuel arrived. Samuel, spying the roasting calf on the skewer asked the king, “What are you doing?”

Listen carefully to Saul’s response. "When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did not come at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling at Micmash, I thought, 'Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the LORD's favor.' So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering." (1 Sam 13:11-12 NIV) As he worked through the crisis he faced, Saul took into account two factors: how others were responding and his own take on things: I saw that the men were scattering and that you did not come….so I felt compelled.

Everything we do, say or think is worked through one of three filters. They are self, others or God. Some would protest that there is a fourth filter through which we live and that is circumstance. What about broken legs and financial windfalls, car wrecks and promotions? Don’t they determine our actions and how we think about things? No situation we face stands alone. Every circumstance is filtered through ourselves, others or God and it is the filter that dominates which determines how we respond. A classic example of this is Paul’s famous assertion in 2 Corinthians 12: 10. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. The circumstance hasn’t determined Paul’s response nor his mental state. Why do some when faced with bankruptcy commit suicide while others seem almost refreshed by the crisis? Of course we realize that it wasn’t what happened that made them act like they did. It was the filter through which they translated it all.

Let’s return to King Saul. Saul used two filters, the response of his men and his own intuition to decide he had to offer up the burnt sacrifice before Samuel got to camp. God had told Saul that he must, no questions asked wait until Samuel arrived before any sacrifices were to be offered. When Saul didn’t, he was chastised and punished for his disobedience. “You acted foolishly”, Samuel cried. "You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command." (1 Sam 13:13-14 NIV) Now why do you suppose God punished Saul so severely for such a minor indiscretion? It is all a matter of perspective!

As long as Saul governed with himself at the center, he could never get things right for the people he led. He could not know what they really needed, never understand how to help them, how to lead them, how to set their lives right. His fatal flaw and the one we too possess is that Saul could not enter a single person’s heart, could not ever really know what they thought and how they could be helped. Being isolated, Saul was of no real use to anyone in his kingdom. Every decision he made impacted everyone else in Israel as well as the nations surrounding but his ability to get it right for them was corrupted by his sin. Selfishness combined with a lack of insight into each person he was affecting killed Saul’s value as king. He could never govern well as long as his decisions were based either on what he thought or what he saw in others.

See The Figure on the Left... Self At The Center

See The Figure in the Middle... Others At The Center


Here is the second part of Saul’s painful difficulty. Even if Saul somehow became an expert student of men, made the people the filter governing his behavior, he would be unable to govern himself. Just the extra attention the women of Jerusalem paid David made him jealous and crippled his ability to make wise decisions. He thought he understood what he should do because of what he noticed about David and the response of the people to his kingship but he was completely wrong. Not only that, Saul was surrounded by advisors who were unable to correct him when he began to struggle with his insecurities. Sinners failing to look to God guiding sinners failing to look to God are a bad combination. We either don’t know what to make of others and their actions or we don’t really know who we are nor what we could be.

If you were to nail down the theme of the Bible in one concise sentence, it would be this. All men are sinners and everyone needs a Savior. Everything we do or try to do is corrupted by our sin and it makes us completely scattered and our lives meaningless wanderings. Unable to break free of our lives because we cannot really get outside our own heads, we fail to make good on the promise we had when we first sprung into life. We don’t help others rightly because we can’t and we don’t do much for ourselves either because we too often get that wrong too. We are like a polluted lake with no outlet. Sin corrupts more and more of us the longer we go and it makes a mess of our relationships too. Without a Savior, I live lost.

Saul was not bad because he offered a sacrifice. Saul was bad because he did it without God. While my family was watching one of the episodes from the first season of the TV show Lost, we were stunned by how the story unfolded. The show is about a group of survivors whose plane crashed on an island somewhere in the South Pacific. I am not really certain if the title is more about the state of where the passengers are located or the condition of their lives. As we get to know them one by one, the broken strands of their past reveal just how lost they have been. One of these characters, Charlie is an ex-drug addict who on the island has been freed of his drug cravings. In this episode, Charlie is broken by the capture of his pregnant friend Claire and haunted by the thought that he didn’t do enough to help her escape. He is worried sick that Claire has either been killed or is being tortured by her captors and he has become psychologically wrecked. Rose, who has lost her husband in the crash but is certain he somehow is still alive somewhere on the island comes to Charlie and breaks through to him. She tells Charlie that no one thinks it is his fault Claire was captured and he must stop thinking he is the only one hurting on the island. Tough medicine! But then comes the best part. As Charlie sits beside Rose, weeping uncontrollably, he begs Rose to help him Her response floored me. She tells him that he needs help bigger than her. Immediately a cross comes into focus on the screen.

See the figure on the Right... God At the Center


There is only one filter through which life ever comes into focus. It is through the life of Jesus…through God. What we cannot know, what is best for every person we influence God does. As we pray and look to Him for help, He shifts our actions and corrects our sin corrupted motives. I may not understand why my boss yelled at me but this does happen as I turn to Jesus. I respond to him with God behind what I do. My actions become, through God’s guidance, the very hand of God. In the miracle of Christian faith…in a sense, I become God for him. Not only that, I see myself more clearly too. Saul could not face the women cheering David because he thought that made him smaller. No one can make us small and insignificant because our value is never what others make of it. We are what God sees of us…and that is too big for us to comprehend.

Can we say this more clearly? Your life and mine is a wreck as long as we hold a perspective of any sort other than what God makes it. We can live all our days and in the end nothing will matter but this. Do we have a Savior? Have we followed Him? What passes for good intentions and honest effort to get it right is the fatal flaw of the sinner trapped by his own contained heart. We cannot get it right either for ourselves or others as long as all we do not filter our lives through Jesus. I was visiting with a friend and he was talking about David and God’s description of him as a “man after my own heart”. What made this murderer and adulterer and collector of wives and failing father such a person that God was pleased with him? If you read his life story, you discover that constantly he was calling on God to guide him. The only times he didn’t, David found himself in terrible trouble.

Judas was not such a great sinner because he betrayed Jesus. The truth is we all have done that. He was such a great sinner because when he realized he was, he did not turn to the Savior. When all he would do is filter his life through himself or what others thought of him, he was left with only insane alternatives because nothing is sane that is not done through Jesus. Why is lying so bad, sexual immorality so bad, cheating so bad or selfishness so bad? It is because they leave Jesus out of the picture and that is the basis of an insane life.

What happens when we find God at the center and it is through Him we meet ourselves and others? Look no further than Zacchaeus. Lonely. Selfish. Despised. He took one look at Jesus and decided to pay everyone back that he had overcharged for their taxes four times what he had taken. He gave half of his fortune to the poor. Then he had lunch with Jesus. That sounds to me like how it is when Jesus becomes the center. We love our friends and enemies. We forget about our past sins. We live.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Lord Of The Rings


Yesterday Noah found Mary Jo's missing diamond ring!!! It has been lost for several months and we looked everywhere in our bedroom for it. This was the third time Mary Jo's ring has disappeared and the other two times we had to buy replacements. But last night, Noah decided he would give it one more try. He told us later that he prayed and asked the Lord to show him where it was...

Is it just me or did the episode on Lost in the first season where Kate and Sawyer found the briefcase seem a lot like the scene in the Lord of the Rings when the ring was found by Smealgol's friend? The fight for it afterward, the strange power of the item to corrupt, its shininess in the water, the strangeness of it being located...

By the way, that same episode had a crazy scene that was mighty provacative. The conversation between Rose and Charlie sent chills down my spine. I haven't seen in a nonChristian forum quite as open an assertion of Christ's power to rescue the broken life as that scene portrayed...

The Lord of the Rings is really a vehicle of Tolkien for explaining the power sin has over us and the strength of temptation as well as its final destruction. He gets it right when he shows Frodo fiddling with the ring when he knows he should have nothing to do with it. Finally with demon kings surrounding him, Frodo puts it on thinking the ring will save him. But all it does is expose Frodo to the attack of the demons and they mortally wound him. Although Frodo is healed by Aragorn (the promised king), he bears the scar and the pain it carries the rest of his life. Temptation is nearly always a very bright and sensible solution but its filth is hidden. When we quietly slip on the ring, we become as vulnerable as Frodo; sliced and bearing the pain sometimes our entire life.

Back to the show Lost. Every character in it so far before he or she comes to the island seems "lost". I am not sure if the title refers to the before or after state of their lives. By the way, is Rose an intentional reference to Touched by an Angel...for me she is its brightest star...I do like Jack a lot though!

Enough random thoughts...it sure was good to find the ring...lost...found...I do not know if the ring was all that was found last night. I think Noah found his way too!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Return To Me

I'm not sure when it dawned on me that I am not the center of the universe. The truth is, perhaps it still hasn't really. What seems so simple, caring about others really isn't. The moment I start to feel for someone, I almost immediately turn to the same theme, how does this affect me. Give me ten broken people with heartaches and maybe two or three I will cringe with them over their pain. In flashes I love, in belches I roll over and return to me. It is certain God knows this about me and yet He still considers it normal to expect me to love and nurture and heal and care. While at the hospital, I watched the nurses check the readings, mark off their charts and measure out the meds and I wondered how they did it, seeing people always in pain, always broken, always dreading. How do they cope with the problems of others so much in their face? People sometimes ask me how I manage carrying the burdens of so many people. The truth is I can't and honestly I don't. I bear them as long as I can and then I have to drift back into the Holy Spirit where every wound is held and healed. I don't turn to prayer as a crutch, I turn to it because I want to love, I want to care and I want to leave the narrow confines of my selfish little heart. It is tough to admit it all returns to me but I am sure it does, just like it returns to you each time.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Stones and Sheep And Making The Move


Today I was walking and I stumbled upon a decorative stone that had been kicked out into the street. I bent over and tossed it back in with the rest but I didn't get very far before I was drawn in to Jesus' comments about His sheep getting out of their pen. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was one of those sheep. Ninety-nine in and one out seems pretty solitary but what has had me fooled has been the thousands and millions of one sheep also out of the pen. All of us are wandering about as if we are in a group but it isn't so. We have just been thousands of loners mingling. I admit I have been for too long intoxicated by the good stuff I have done and fooled into thinking I have it figured but I am just bleary-eyed and my thinking dimmed by busyness. Suddenly in a blip of sense, I saw my place...outside the pen. Too many times I make excuses, claiming it is not that big a deal to live far from where the Peters and Pauls and Billy Grahams and Elizabeth Eliots and Julians of Norwich and Richard Fosters graze but I can't now. Realizing I have wandered off, I can no longer explain away my deep character flaws that point out my locale. I did not beat my chest or weap uncontrollably but I prayed. Then I slipped back into the pen. There might not be any dramatic changes in my character or how I visit with God but I don't want to make any excuses either for comfortably grazing outside of the one pasture.