The Loss of Self-Realization

Ephesians 4:17 NIV

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.  

If You Could Do Anything With Your Life, What Would It Be?

You may know that my first year of college I decided to be a chemistry major in an effort to qualify for medical school.  It was of course a respectable degree to pursue…at least if I could do it.  It required lots of hard work and many who choose chemistry as their major don’t complete it because it is so challenging.  What interested me most about this selection of a major was that it was respectable and would push me to maximize my abilities to accomplish the goal of being a medical doctor.  No one tried to discourage me; I was generally told to pursue my dreams and that I could accomplish whatever my heart desired.  Few of us would not want to pursue our dreams and I was no exception to this normal approach to life.  If I could not be an NBA basketball player, I might as well be a medical doctor.  It seemed reasonable to me and I believed I could achieve this goal.

You could say that the expression that defined me at this point in my life was, “I got it.”  You hear “I got it” often in sports.  If a fly ball is hit to the outfield, one of the outfielders yells, “I got it!”  Volleyball players scream out “I got it” to let their teammates know they will receive the ball.  If a fish is on your line, you might yell, “I got it” to let everyone in on your impending accomplishment.  But you also say “I got it” if you are going to answer the phone or open the door for whoever is there.  Psychologically, “I got it” means that you can handle your problem; you don’t need help.  You may tend to like the independent type, the “I got it” you who relies on yourself to “get the job done.”  The term for “I got it” is “self-realization” and it is now about a century old.  Self-realization or “I got it” is generally the object in therapy of nearly every worker in mental health.  “Be all you can be” which is nearly the same as “you got it” has a noble feel to it and who would argue that it should not be your goal in life.  Yet you know that just because everyone else seems to hold to a particular view does not mean that it is the best way of seeing something.  Could it be that “be all you can be” is not the approach you should take to life?  Is there the possibility that you ought to evaluate this philosophy critically…maybe self-realization is not what is best for you or me?

There are several ways self-realization is practiced.  I have a talent and I want to maximize it.  I have an interest and I want to pursue it.  I have an opinion and I want to express it.  I have a goal and I want to chase it.  This line of thinking is often found in the Bible and although the term “self-realization” is not used, the expression of it in normal sorts of ways is often described in case studies that are provided in God’s word.  Lamech is not a familiar character in the Bible but he certainly was a dramatic figure.  His life is well summarized in his own words.  Lamech said to his wives, "Adah and Zillah, listen to me; wives of Lamech, hear my words. I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for injuring me.  If Cain is avenged seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times." (Genesis 4:23-24 NIV)  Although this is rather extreme, Lamech is expressing precisely the spirit of self-realization.  Self-realization is the determination to assert my will over my environment both internally and externally.  In this case Lamech decided that when he was wounded he had every right to kill the man who wounded him and then he did it.  He expressed himself and his morality by extending outward his influence.  Without independence, self-realization is not possible.  For Lamech, he took self-realization to the outer edges by killing the man who put limits on his happiness and comfort.  He referenced God but certainly never consulted with God nor did he act in conjunction with God when he decided to kill the young man who hurt him.

A second example of self-realization is also found in the book of Genesis.  The strange account of Jacob stealing his father’s blessing from his older brother illustrates how far some will go to extend the boundaries of self.  Rather than being satisfied with what he had as his mother’s favorite and heir to much of his father’s fortune, Jacob tricked his father into giving him the spiritual blessing the father intended to pass on to Jacob’s twin brother Esau.  Jacob said to his father, "I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game so that you may give me your blessing." (Genesis 27:19 NIV)  If it were not for the murderous anger it provoked in Esau, this could be labeled typical sibling rivalry.  Take it out of the context of family relations and you might make the case that Jacob was just fulfilling his destiny.  God had told Jacob’s mother that Esau or Esau’s descendants would eventually serve Jacob or Jacob’s descendants.  Jacob was following his dream of rising beyond his brother in influence and power by snatching away the blessing of his father.  One must wonder if Jacob ever gained much satisfaction in stealing his brother’s blessing as he immediately had to flee for his life and then spent twenty years living under the domination of his future father-in-law.  How far should one go to live out one’s dream?

A third example, this time from the New Testament, illustrates the reason why self-realization must never be our goal.  The often recounted attempt of Peter to correct Jesus is on the surface rather comical but Jesus did not treat it lightly.  The disciple “meant well”.  He thought Jesus was not trusting the Father enough when our Lord told the disciples that He would soon be killed by the religious authorities.  Without noticing at all that Jesus promised He would on the third day after death be resurrected, Peter made sure his opinion was voiced.   Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!" (Matthew 16:22 NIV)  Jesus’ response was not pretty.  “You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." (Matthew 16:23 NIV)  Here we have precisely put the essence of self-realization.  There is in Peter a disconnect between himself and God and he is not aware of it taking place. Peter means well.  He has what he thinks is good advice for Jesus but he is thinking without God and becoming spiritually a part of Satan’s rebellion.  It seems so innocuous, self-realization.  All you want to do is make something of yourself, build something you care about, use your mind to be creative, enjoy life.  Who could argue against that?  Peter had a good idea and it made sense to him yet our Lord blasted his advice out of the water.

Consider the rebuke of Jesus carefully.  “You don’t have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”  This may seem so minor a criticism but it is actually the sin that defines all Sin.  Take note of Jesus’ warning in John 15.  "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. (John 15:5-6 NIV)   If you rationally contemplate this statement, it would seem that the most important determination you can make is to live your life out completely aligned with Christ.  There is no warning in scripture more severe than this that one might be “picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.”  If this is disturbing, this possibility of being thrown into the fire and burned, then the goal of being attached to the vine, of remaining in Christ should rise above every other concern one has.  What good is it to realize your dreams, utilize your talents, enjoy your days and speak your mind if by doing so you are not remaining in Christ…if it all is completely outside life with God?  In self-realization, you take charge of your life and do as you see fit but that is not Christianity; that is a meager and impoverished alternative to Christianity.

Paul expressed perfectly what a normal Christian life is.  I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Galatians 2:20a NIV)  When you put your faith in Christ as your Savior, Christ becomes a part of you.  Your personality, who you are, is now Him and you and that is you as a person.  It is no longer just you; that person is dead but the you that exists as a result is Christ and you.  As you go about your day, you become conscious of Christ in you and it matters because He gives you wisdom, He strengthens you and encourages you and as you trust Him with what is happening with you, God’s peace takes over and His joy gets worked into you and it makes sense to remain in Christ because that life with God is grander than you ever imagined.  The life without Christ is an inadequate, empty and insufficient life that becomes nothing more than rubbish.  The life with Christ is a miracle of God and you.  The bigger Christ gets in you through your obedience to Him, the bigger you become.  Self-realization will only take you to the edges of you and the sin you have corrupting you.  Christ in you is you without limit and becomes closer and closer to perfection as you build your life with Him.  Just look closely at how Jesus lived His life; without worry or fear, full of love and forgiving, kind and having not an ounce of envy for what others had.  That is where we are heading, that is the direction we are going…for with Christ joined to us, we will become perfect.

Let us consider just one aspect of what it means to have Christ be a part of us.  He said, “my peace I give you”.  What does that mean?  Think for a moment about the time Jesus was in the boat with His disciples and a furious storm arose that brought terror to the disciples.  Meanwhile Jesus slept without a care in the world, unperturbed by the winds and waves raging.  When the panicked disciples awakened Him, Jesus calmly replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" (Matthew 8:26 NIV)  Now, what kind of life could you and I have with that peace available to us?  It is astounding to think just how big our lives could be if we let Jesus, living within us, play a bigger role in us! 

The Two Forces Driving Humanity

Ecclesiastes 2:10 NIV

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.  My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor.

What Matters Most To You?

This year I have been working as a substitute teacher.  I receive class assignments by going to a website that tracks my workdays on a calendar.  When a teacher makes a substitute teacher request, it pops up on my calendar and then I can decide if I want to accept the assignment or not.  Some are for half a day and other for six full hours.  Sometimes teachers request me personally but usually the assignments go out to all the pool of substitute teachers and the first of us to accept the job for the day gets it.  Recently I accepted a job working in a kindergarten class at a particular school but within an hour, I was removed from the job and the notice came to me that my services were no longer needed.  I was disappointed to hear this as you never know when a job will come available or even if one will.  A week later another kindergarten class assignment from the same school popped up and I quickly accepted the assignment but again, after a few hours, I was notified that my services were no longer needed.  I had heard that sometimes teachers post jobs and then remove them if a favorite substitute of theirs becomes available to take their class and I grew increasingly offended the more I thought about this.  I had never worked at the school that had these kindergarten assignments and so I was pretty certain the teachers there didn’t know me.  Did the teacher pull the assignments from me because I was a man?  It smacked of discrimination to me!  What also bothered me was that once a substitute teacher accepts an assignment for a certain day that person is locked into it and is not notified of other possible assignments for the same day.  One can decide to not take the assignment later but then that person can’t work that day for any other teachers.  If a teacher cancels an assignment too late, the substitute is prevented from accepting another job for the day.  I began to stew over this and I considered sending the teacher that pulled my assignment an email expressing my feelings about her doing so.  It felt like I was rejected and treated unfairly.  I wanted the teacher to know that I was not just a name on a list but a real person who did not like being rejected or considered not good enough for her class.  I counted; my needs were important and I deserved more respect.

Perhaps you too have felt rejected and wanted to make sure others knew you counted, that you ought to be appreciated.  You have been pushed aside or gone unnoticed.  Have you ever wanted to shout, “Look at me”?  “I can do the job!”  “I should get the promotion!”  “Love me too!”  “Pay attention to me!”  “Care about me!”  Maybe you feel that way now; that your hard work and creativity and sacrifice is not given the value it deserves.  You feel frustrated that you might never achieve your goal, never accomplish in life what you think you should.  You are at a dead end and it is maddening to consider that your life is unfulfilled and you may never reach your potential.  What should you do?  How does one respond to feeling boxed into a corner of lost dreams and anonymity?  Should you in some way “fight back” and reclaim your life?

A pillar of modern humanist psychology is the call for “self-realization”.  By humanist, I mean any treatment of psychology that does not view humanity mechanistically as if people are little more than machines.  Nearly everyone who sees people as really free and independent believes that a goal for all of us is “self-realization” or the very similar “self-actualization”.  It is held by nearly all that we ought to make it our goal in life to assert ourselves, to gain our place of prominence among others and fulfil our purpose.  Many Christian teachers believe these strivings are essential to having a good life.  In fact it is assumed by many that self-realization is God’s plan for us.  We do of course see examples of self-realization being practiced in the Bible; it is not just a modern phenomenon…one could say it goes as far back as Adam and Eve.

Let’s consider each of the three strivings that put together are known as self-realization.  The first, the urge to establish one’s worth is illustrated by King Hezekiah’s actions when representatives of the Babylonian government came to visit him.  Hezekiah received the messengers and showed them all that was in his storehouses — the silver, the gold, the spices and the fine oil — his armory and everything found among his treasures. There was nothing in his palace or in all his kingdom that Hezekiah did not show them. (2 Kings 20:13 NIV)  Most of us would say that there is nothing wrong with asserting ourselves.  We need to let others know who we are and what we have done.  In Hezekiah’s case, he simply pointed out how productive his work had been and the success he achieved.  Hezekiah extended his own reputation by giving the tour of his possessions but forgot something critical in doing so.  He did not gain his wealth on his own. 

A second component of self-realization is the push to gain prominence.  We all believe we should be given the opportunity to make something of ourselves and Aaron and Miriam were not exceptions to this.  The two were frustrated that Moses their younger brother, who was charged with leading the nation of Israel out of Egypt and into the Promised Land was not giving them enough say in the decisions being made.  The nation of Israel needed their leadership they believed and it offended them to not be more involved in how the nation was run.  Miriam and Aaron wanted Moses to show them respect by deferring more to them when he made decisions and directed the people.  Finally their frustration spilled out in the infamous complaint, "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?" And the Lord heard this. (Numbers 12:2 NIV)  Is this any different than trying to get a promotion you think you deserve, wanting your husband or wife to respect all you do for the family, being upset that you aren’t recommended for a teacher’s assistant position, getting frustrated for the lack of support you receive in the church motions you present, or being left off a committee because others in the club are move popular?   Who doesn’t want to be known for the good they have done and the insight they have?  The push to gain prominence is natural and normal.

A third component to self-realization is the common goal of wanting to fulfill one’s purpose.  Books have been written on this topic and many have decided this is our most important task in life, fulfilling our purpose.  If we look at Demas from this perspective, we can take exception with the Apostle Paul’s complaint about him.  Paul said of Demas,

“Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica.” (2 Timothy 4:9-10 NIV)  No one wants to be accused of desertion but if you take Demas’s position in this, he was simply fulfilling his purpose.  Who knows why he left Paul?  Maybe his family needed him.  Perhaps he wanted to take up leadership in a church where his talents could be put to better use.  It might be that he had always wanted to be a lawyer and so he was following his dream.  Can we really fault Demas for wanting a change?  Perhaps Demas really did know what was best and he was upgrading the quality of his life.  Can that be criticized?

In every example described we have self-realization exhibited in real lives.  None of these people thought that what they were doing was wrong.  They in fact probably were congratulated by friends and perhaps also family members for making tough decisions to put their lives together.  Self-realization is reasonable and even celebrated yet it is not Christian and not even possible.  For those who decide to build their lives without God, self-realization is normal and natural.  The belief that we stand alone in a world that is sometimes for us and other times against us is growing in popularity but irrational.  The push for self-realization rests upon the belief that in the end it is just me and just you who must decide how we are to live and what we will do about the direction of our lives.  But what if we aren’t alone in this?  What if each of us is more than just one?

There is a declaration the Apostle Paul makes that is rarely taken as seriously as its importance to humanity warrants.  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV)  This conclusion that Paul draws and that we must consider if we are to fully think through who we are and what we are doing with our lives is that each of us is never independent.  Job, despite his misery, realized not pessimistically but realistically the part God plays in each life. Man's days are determined; you (God) have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. (Job 14:5 NIV)  It is impossible to be in charge of what we do with ourselves if God decides how long we shall live and what will come of our accomplishments.  The prophet Daniel told the Babylonian king Belshazzar that it did not matter what he hoped to get done, the Lord would not let him live until morning and the kingdom he so proudly ruled and worked to preserve would be pulled apart.  “…God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end…Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians."  (Daniel 5:26-28 NIV)  The prophet Isaiah quoted God when he declared the situation each person faces, For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him?  His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?  (Isaiah 14:27 NIV)

Whatever we have planned or look forward to getting done must take into account that how long we live is determined by God.  The writer of Ecclesiastes, whose wisdom is unmatched by those not named Christ or Paul, pointed out that no matter what we accomplish or how close we come to reaching our potential, the entirety of our accomplishments slip from our hands in the end and all we will be left with is our souls, the fate of which is determined by our Creator.  The myth of self-realization is as ludicrous as the belief that the moon is made of green cheese.  Every decision we make must take into account God and what He is doing with us.  The thought that is the most reasonable and rational at any moment is the one Paul offers.  “I am not my own.  I am bought with a price.”  Because this is so, self-realization is impossible.  As we shall see, God not only determines what will be the outcome of our lives, He is a part of every action we take and every thought we generate.  We don’t exist as just self.  There is more to us than that.  And we might add, “Thank God it is so!”

Soul Ambition

The thing about our personality is that it is so marred and distorted by sin we don't even know really what it is.  We have an idea that we are funny or quiet or rambunctious or generous or thoughtful but what can we know of it as long as we are warped with sin.  Most of us tend to think the best of ourselves; we aren't lazy, we are deliberative, we aren't mean, we are discerning, we aren't perverse, we have an expansive libido.  The free reign we give to self-aggrandizement is startling given the ability we have to see right through the mental tricks others play on themselves.  We say that we know who we are better than anyone else but that is just one more lie of the devil we have swallowed hook, line and sinker.  Just think about your dreams.  They say an awfully lot about yourself and what you harbor within but you can't make heads or tails of them.  It is easy to shine off our dreams as just biological gibberish, white noise of the brain, but they are there within us each day, giving us insight into ourselves and we are just as likely to  blow right past them and roar into our day as notice the stain they reveal.  The human soul is corrupted through and through and the only way out of what we are is to take the Cross of Christ fully and unconditionally.  The crucified death of One meant for the crucified life of the other is in the end a total resurrection for both.  You cannot just get past your sins; they have to be killed off completely and you must if you want to live let this happen.  By faith we receive the death of Christ and make it our death to sin and that is what will happen fully and thoroughly as we give freedom to God to work His way through us.  The Crucifixion of Christ works two ways.  It destroys the work sin has achieved in your death and it crushes your will to live in sin any longer.  The more you accept the cross Christ bore for you, the more you will willingly lay your life down for Him to raise up again.  Mary poured out the perfume on the feet of Jesus because this was intuitively hers alone to grasp as the disciples lounged about.  We pour what is ours out of us for one reason only.  Not for something God might give us to pay us back for our sacrifice but that the warping of sin might be straightened as all we once had gains the life of Christ fully.  Your talents, skills, mental  acuity, personal attributes and disciplines are of no use to you because of the corruption of sin upon them.  Like filthy rags, they are finally in the end worthless.  But give them to Christ and lay them at His feet and you will find them free of the perversion of sin and good for your life and good for all those people about you.  The perfume was never wasted; it was lifted up into heaven and returned back again as a living sacrifice free of selfishness and pride; of use to both God and man. 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.  1 Corinthians  6:19-20 NIV

History in the Making

If we look back upon the losses we have endured over the years, we might see certain trends...bad breaks, poor timing, lack of attentiveness to crucial details, slovenly habits, dysfunctional relationships, distorted views of self.  It could be that we got sick at the wrong time, were tripped up by our lusts or were mistaken about the character of certain people.    The regretful glance backward that morphs into self-pitying is corrosive to the working of God in you.  The very thing He came to do, redeem your life completely gets hindered by the regret you keep eyeing.  If we take God at His word, that Christ came to save us from our sin, then the obstinate pout must be put away.  But you may wonder how God could do this, how He could make the ugly moments of your past "redeemed".  His answer to you is the same as it was for the withered Elizabeth past child bearing.  "Nothing is impossible with God."  The worst of your circumstances are made new by Christ upon His sin bearing.  They are bought back and rebuilt...remade just as thoroughly as if an old wreck of a car were blown to smithereens and the molecules of it put together into the most spectacular of yachts.  "Nothing is impossible" includes your past and what has been done to you and by you is of no account anymore.  What matters is what God will do with it and that is, "make all things new."    The Lord is not afraid of your past even if you have built it up into a monster.  He has faced it squarely while dying on the Cross and mastered it.  You have nothing to hide anymore...it is out in the open...out in the bright sunlight of God's love for you.   Is it not perfectly reasonable that the bearing of your sin took place as day splintered off into darkness and the redeeming of your life came to pass as the first sparkles of sunlight broke upon the dawn?  You can moan about the missed opportunities and the regrettable decisions you have made but what is the point of that?  It is like weeping over winning the lottery or despairing over the successful surgery that saved you from cancer.  You have been redeemed!  Never look past that.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  Isaiah 43:1 NIV

Mercy Mercy Me

Hosea 6: 6 NIV
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

Mercy has never been the way we think of one another, it is how we act with each other. The question before us is not, “what should I do to be merciful”. It is rather, “who should I take into my life and mercy”. I used to think I had to feel sorry for someone if I were to be merciful. I don’t believe God feels sorry for any of us and yet He is our standard for mercy. He does not look in on my thoughts and grimace over how bad I have it or how poorly I am treated. He looks in on me and despite how nastily I have treated Him and how warped and self-centered my outlook, He dies for me. In a sense the crucifixion is over but in another sense it never is. Jesus was for a moment in time bound within hours and minutes but He is eternal and the crucifixion is lived out in Him forever too. There is that part of God that we fail to recognize. Time is always now and in that sense, He dies for me today just as certainly as He did the moment two thousand years ago Jesus hung upon the Cross next to two warped and corrupted thieves. Mercy of God is now. Who can you mercy today? Happy are the merciful for they shall receive mercy…