I'm not sure when it dawned on me that I am not the center of the universe. The truth is, perhaps it still hasn't really. What seems so simple, caring about others really isn't. The moment I start to feel for someone, I almost immediately turn to the same theme, how does this affect me. Give me ten broken people with heartaches and maybe two or three I will cringe with them over their pain. In flashes I love, in belches I roll over and return to me. It is certain God knows this about me and yet He still considers it normal to expect me to love and nurture and heal and care. While at the hospital, I watched the nurses check the readings, mark off their charts and measure out the meds and I wondered how they did it, seeing people always in pain, always broken, always dreading. How do they cope with the problems of others so much in their face? People sometimes ask me how I manage carrying the burdens of so many people. The truth is I can't and honestly I don't. I bear them as long as I can and then I have to drift back into the Holy Spirit where every wound is held and healed. I don't turn to prayer as a crutch, I turn to it because I want to love, I want to care and I want to leave the narrow confines of my selfish little heart. It is tough to admit it all returns to me but I am sure it does, just like it returns to you each time.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Return To Me
I'm not sure when it dawned on me that I am not the center of the universe. The truth is, perhaps it still hasn't really. What seems so simple, caring about others really isn't. The moment I start to feel for someone, I almost immediately turn to the same theme, how does this affect me. Give me ten broken people with heartaches and maybe two or three I will cringe with them over their pain. In flashes I love, in belches I roll over and return to me. It is certain God knows this about me and yet He still considers it normal to expect me to love and nurture and heal and care. While at the hospital, I watched the nurses check the readings, mark off their charts and measure out the meds and I wondered how they did it, seeing people always in pain, always broken, always dreading. How do they cope with the problems of others so much in their face? People sometimes ask me how I manage carrying the burdens of so many people. The truth is I can't and honestly I don't. I bear them as long as I can and then I have to drift back into the Holy Spirit where every wound is held and healed. I don't turn to prayer as a crutch, I turn to it because I want to love, I want to care and I want to leave the narrow confines of my selfish little heart. It is tough to admit it all returns to me but I am sure it does, just like it returns to you each time.
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