Open Wounds

Open Wounds

Psalm 38:11 NIV

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.

Do You Know Someone Who Is Wounded?

Years ago when I was still in high school, my father, who was a police officer took me in his squad car and let me sit up front with him on his patrol.  It was during the early seventies and there was plenty of animosity among teens and young adults for those in authority including police officers.  I was stunned by the anger shown my dad on the faces of students at the local high school as he drove past them.  He got a call to respond to a home where there was a family dispute.  I waited in the car until finally my dad returned.  He had been called to the apartment because an eleven year old boy had shaved off his eyebrows.  I wasn’t told why he did it and my dad may not have even known why.  I pictured that boy going to school without eyebrows, walking into a store without eyebrows, visiting the dentist without eyebrows, getting his haircut without eyebrows or eating out with his family not having eyebrows.  Everywhere he went people would look at him and wonder what happened to his eyebrows.  What would you have thought if you heard the boy had shaved off his eyebrows?  I can imagine that as the story got out among the neighbors and family friends, everyone would have had an opinion about the boy and maybe even of his family life.  Was he emotionally disturbed?  Did he do this out of rebellion?  Perhaps he was abused or neglected or just extremely immature.  It would be hard not to form an opinion of the boy and his home life if you found out he had shaved off his eyebrows and the police had been called after it happened.

What do you think of those who judge others?  Do you like to be judged?  Is it fair for others to judge you?  What is your first thought when you hear someone got a DUI or her pit bull attacked a child?  Do you form an opinion of someone who decides to get a divorce or file for bankruptcy?  What if someone comes in late for work?  Does it matter to you if your co-worker isn’t doing her job well or is blaming you for her mistakes?  What do you think of someone who cheats on his wife or lies to you?  Have you had someone walk past you without responding to your greeting?  Do certain people irk you?  What do you think of those who don’t show you respect or seem to not like you?  Once you form an opinion of someone, is it difficult for you to change that opinion?

I am fascinated by the account of Hannah who was so distressed over her infertility that she sobbed as she prayed in the Tabernacle for God to give her a child.  The High Priest, who was sitting off to the side thought she was drunk and so he approached her with his rebuke.  As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.  Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine." (1 Samuel 1:12-14 NIV)  Hannah fended off the accusation by stating the purpose of her trip to the Tabernacle.  "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord.  Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." (1 Samuel 1:15-16 NIV)  Imagine how embarrassed Eli the priest must have been to assume the worst about the poor woman.  Haven’t we all been in that same place, humiliated by our assumptions? Here Hannah was, assuming she was safe emotionally to pour out her heart to God and she was accused of something terrible!

The sad account of Michal and her troubled marriage to King David provides us with a painful reminder of how bitterness can degrade the human personality.  She had married David when they both were young but her father’s jealousy of David drove a wedge between them.  To save his life, David had to flee without Michal and for ten long years they were separated.  Michal remarried and David took additional wives but when David was made king of Israel, his only condition for taking the crown was that Michal be restored to him as his wife.  This was a terrible demand as Michal had rebuilt her life with someone who deeply loved her.  Yet David wasn’t interested in Michal’s feelings, he just wanted to consolidate his power by being linked through marriage to the previous king.  Clearly Michal never forgave David for what he did and her bitterness surfaced in the form of criticism of David’s extravagant worship of God.  When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!"  (2 Samuel 6:20 NIV)  David did not have the least bit of sympathy for Michal and her sense of loss but blew up over Michal’s criticism of him and the two never slept together again.

Many times criticism is formed in the heart due to deep wounds that have never healed.  We may feel justified by our critique and even think we are quite wise in our assessment but how can we be certain that our disapproval is rooted in a fair evaluation of the situation and not the result of our psychological wounds.  There is a certain sort of pleasurable pride in every sinner discovering some fault in another person.  This is a universal trait found in even the kindest of human beings empowered by psychological damage sustained though sin.  What must always be considered is that the force of our criticism and even the assumptions behind it very well might be rooted in our own dysfunction rather than any legitimate source of wrong committed by the other person. 

Few have contemplated the implications of a comment made in the rarely read book of Lamentations.  The verse is an example of what is known in the study of literature as personification.  Jeremiah uses the picture of a young virgin to describe the situation the city of Jerusalem faced.  What can I say for you?  With what can I compare you, O Daughter of Jerusalem?  To what can I liken you, that I may comfort you, O Virgin Daughter of Zion?  Your wound is as deep as the sea.  Who can heal you? (Lamentations 2:13 NIV)  What is important for our discussion here is how Jeremiah points out a critical component of the human condition.  The heart is vaster and less explored than the oceans of the earth.  There are great sections of the heart that are completely unknown to us.  Wounds that cripple us and warp thoroughly our decision making and evaluation processes are buried deep in the ocean of our hearts.  Sadly we act as if it does not matter at all how corrupted and damaged our hearts are.  We freely and contentedly judge and criticize without giving a whit how much our thoughts about others are influenced by wreckage embedded in our hearts and not by what those we criticize are actually doing. 

There is always one more fact we haven’t considered when we begin to criticize someone or think poorly of him or her.  The strange case of Noah and his drunkenness comes to mind.  Sometime after he and his family left the Ark following the flooding of the earth, Noah planted a vineyard and got drunk from the wine he made.  Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard.  When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. (Genesis 9:20-21 NIV) The reaction of his son is notable.  Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. (Genesis 9:22 NIV)  This may sound completely reasonable and normal but the response of Ham’s brothers was much different.  But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness. (Genesis 9:23 NIV)  Noah exploded with rage when he found out how Ham treated his drunken nakedness.  When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son (Ham) had done to him, he said, "Cursed be Canaan (Ham’s son)!  The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers." (Genesis 9:24-25 NIV)

Whether or not Noah was right in his violent outburst is beyond the scope of our discussion today.  God certainly upheld Noah’s curse of his younger son.  Ham seems to have been disrespectful of his father and maybe even critical of his dad’s behavior.  Let us consider Noah’s actions.  Perhaps we would agree with Ham that Noah was wrong to get drunk and ignore the rules of common decency by lying around naked.  We might even contend that Noah had no right to get drunk since God had rescued him from the judgement of the world.  Yet consider what Noah had buried in his heart.  If there was no one on earth God wanted to save, if everyone was so wicked that He decided to kill them all, what must have life been like for someone like Noah who is called in Genesis a “righteous man, blameless among the people of his time…” (Genesis 6:9 b NIV)  How many murders had he come across in his six hundred years, how much cursing, how many acts of perversion, how many times was he threatened, attacked, mocked, humiliated and despised.  The wounds buried within Noah’s heart must have been as numerous as the fish in the ocean.  He was battered psychologically and maybe even physically.  What would it have done to any of us to have been surrounded by such ugliness and hatred?  Is it any wonder that Noah might have collapsed into a drunken stupor after it all was over?  What buried pain did Noah suffer that made him act in ways that others who did not know all Noah had been through might lead to criticism and contempt.  There is always something in every person’s life that we do not take into account when we evaluate their actions and judge their motives.

Jesus gave no wiggle room for judging but gives us carte blanche to pray for anyone we want.  Paul said that we are to “pray without ceasing” and that is the only reaction we can be certain God approves when we get frustrated or disgusted by someone else. There are forces at work that go even beyond what is buried within the heart and they are supernatural forces that wreak havoc on every person we come across.  We may not be able to see how much good we do praying for others we don’t like, whose behavior we don’t approve or that irritate us but God assures us that there is immeasurable good we do praying for each person He brings us.  We stop forces of destruction and bring into reality forces for good each time we pray.  Just because we don’t see what we stop and start is not indicative of all we bring to pass when we pray.  Never forget what Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:12-14 NIV)  Never let this great promise of God slip very far from your day.  Always remember how great you have been made in Christ.  Such great lives have no time for criticism when they are busy changing the world.

Taken Apart

When God begins to work in us, He leaves no stone unturned.  He takes apart our entire personality bit by bit and regenerates it by fire.  From head to toe, where sin has marred us and warped our being, our Savior gets in there and goes to work.  Paul called it "being crucified in Christ".  James labeled it "the testing of your faith".  Peter spoke of it as "judgment" that starts with the "family of God".   John the Baptist described the work of Christ as that of baptizing "you with the Holy Spirit and with fire." Jesus called it a pruning.   God will not let go of us until we are a holy people who love with the same love Christ loved us.  It is a shame that so many speak only of the blessings of God without including within those blessings the purifying work of our Lord to make us free of Sin and righteous not just by decree but in actual day to day living.  There comes a point when we must decide if we really want to be wholly God's or if we are satisfied with the world having a part of us too.  The Lord won't force Himself upon you.  He won't tackle you and make you beg mercy.  He lets you go on your way but if you are born again, you will never be settled with the corrosive effect of sin working through you; you will want it out of you and it is then that a transaction occurs.  It will be your life for His.  You give God your life and He gives you His and God, like a surgeon, begins to go at all the damage your sin has caused you and others.  Meticulously He works on the habits you have developed that make you impure.  He grinds down the thought patterns that corrupt your actions.  The burdens that you grip with terrible force that other sinners have placed on your shoulders, He lifts from you.  God will not be satisfied with you until He has given you a "clean bill of health" and you are holy.  You may not even realize what our Lord has done for you until it suddenly dawns on you what a new person you are; that you are really transformed and have all the earmarks of Christ in you, the hope of Glory.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.     2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV

Conversion of the Mind

Matthew 7:1 NIV

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

Are You Opinionated?

It is one of the most natural of all human behaviors, judging others.  We may not let people in on what we are thinking but we are constantly critiquing and evaluating.  We make determinations regarding the lectures of our professors, the performance of our servers at restaurants, the job done by our hair stylists and the conversational skills of those we meet at parties.  We judge the effort given by our co-workers, the intelligence of our doctors, the creativity of our friends on Facebook and the friendliness of the clerks at supermarkets.  We give everyone we meet a quick evaluation…how well they have dressed, how they smell and how they look.  Often we pride ourselves on how accurately we assess others…their honesty, skill levels and worthiness of our time and friendship.  Fans who have never played above fourth grade baseball somehow know more about baseball than major league managers and millions watching football on TV believe they would not have thrown the “stupid” interception or made the bad pass the point guard made because they are smarter than the players they are watching.

A part of being human is the capacity to judge the skill and effort of others as well as ourselves.  Adam, even before he sinned, was given the task of naming all the animals based on his evaluation of them.  We see in the Bible a number of examples of judging, evaluating and assessing the motives and decision making of friends and co-workers.  King Saul famously decided that young David, his general, was a risk to Saul’s throne and that David’s popularity among the people of Israel might go to David’s head.  Saul came to the conclusion that David was greedy for power and could not be trusted so he tried to kill him.  Was Saul right in his determination?  Did Saul see something in David that warranted his concern?  Perhaps there was a smirk on David’s face when the women of Jerusalem sang about his exploits in front of King Saul.  Maybe David was not as respectful in the way he addressed Saul as Saul thought he should have been.  Whatever evidence Saul had though for judging David disloyal and a traitor, the King later realized it was not sufficient to warrant his mistrust.  He later admitted to David, "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly.”(1 Samuel 24:17 NIV)

One of the problems with judging others is that we may be dead wrong in our evaluations and a friendship or alliance that could have been wonderful and beneficial might be lost.  Family relationships can be destroyed by our judging.  Absalom, one of David’s sons became enraged when his half-brother Amnon raped his full-sister Tamar.  Their father David didn’t do anything about the crime though despite being king and having the power to punish Amnon any way he wished.  After three years, Absalom gained his vengeance on Amnon and had him murdered.  This did not settle the account fully though in Absalom’s mind.  He decided that David was wrong in this for not taking up the cause of his sister and thus not competent enough to be king, that he was an unfair and unjust ruler.  He began to gather evidence that David was not just in his other dealings.  Absalom interviewed men and their families as they entered Jerusalem on visits and asked them what they thought about the justice in the land with David as king.  “Did he treat everyone fairly?”  “Did David play favorites, only advancing the careers of those from Judah but disregarding the needs of those from other parts of Israel?

For four years Absalom criticized his father’s fairness as king.  He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, "What town are you from?" He would answer, "Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel."  Then Absalom would say to him, "Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you." And Absalom would add, "If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that he gets justice." Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him.  Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the men of Israel. (2 Samuel 15:2-6 NIV)  With Absalom, the judgmental attitude toward his father festered into hatred that careened out of control.  Not every critical thought morphs into disgust and loathing. Some just fade to ambivalence and disinterest.  However, never does a critical and judgmental thought disappear from the mind.  It always leaves its mark; always damages in some way our personality.

Two of the Disciples, James and John, responded with rage to the lack of interest in Jesus and His ministry shown by the leaders of a Samaritan village and they made a rather troubling request of Him.  When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, "Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?"  But Jesus turned and rebuked them, and they went to another village.  (Luke 9:54-56 NIV)  This was an extreme reaction to a mundane occurrence.  It is not like these people were ripping into Jesus or wanting to stone Him to death.  They just weren’t interested in hearing Him because He was going to Jerusalem.  Was this the only collection of people who had some sort of reason for turning aside from Christ?  Of course not!  But James and John for some reason believed they were far worse than all the other critics and skeptics of Jesus.  Our Lord rebuked them for their judgmental response to the Samaritans.  We can be certain that there was a much bigger concern of James and John than that these poor villagers didn’t want Jesus lecturing them about religion.  Perhaps racism was at the root of their criticism…perhaps it was their nationalism rearing its head in them…they were not happy that the Samaritans had a bad opinion of Jerusalem.  Whatever the case nearly every time we become judgmental, there is something behind our criticism that fuels it.  Something that runs much deeper than our sense of fashion, political beliefs or loyalty to God!

Jesus’ command during His Sermon on the Mount is unequivocal.  We must not judge others!  "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (Matthew 7: 1 NIV)  Luke quotes Jesus almost exactly the same way.  "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.” (Luke 6:37 NIV) This is an astounding demand of God.  We all are so good at judging others.  Not only that, our criticism is always warranted or so we think.  Yet it seems that our Lord does not care how smart we believe we are or how wise we decide our evaluations, we are not to judge others critically.  Of course this is not saying judgments are never to be made.  Those in places of authority are directed by God to make judgments when the law is broken.  Murder, vandalism, theft; God puts it in the hands of those in authority to judge crimes and determine guilt or innocence.  God has established Law as a protection for us from the evil in people’s hearts.  Jesus is not dealing with authority judgement in these passages.  He is commanding against personal judgment.

Let us be clear about this.  There is never a time when a Christian, who is not in a position of authority under the law or as a part of his or her occupation, is given permission to judge the character, motives or actions of another person, whether that person is Christian or non-Christian, in this life.  To do so puts us in direct opposition to God and His mercy.  If you or I judge someone, the Lord will judge us and we would be hard-pressed to find an instance where God’s judgment was pleasant.  Yet our Lord has made us judging people, with critical minds and discerning hearts.  Why is it that, if we are not to use those skills unless we are circuit judges, we have the instantaneous judging mechanism up and running all the time?

Our mind is wired this way by God that we might be skillful at prayer, quickly seeing what we need to bring to God and able to join with the Lord in what He shows us.  If you see an area of weakness in someone or a moral flaw, you take that to God as soon as you become aware of it.  Your professor is giving a boring lecture, pray for God to help her.  A friend has been gossiping about you, bring it to the Lord for Him to fix.  Your parent prepared something for dinner that is not very good, pray for God to help your parent do better.  A hotel clerk is snappy with you and it is irritating, rather than snap back at her or talk about her rude behavior with your wife or co-worker, bring her to the Lord for healing.  One of your relatives clearly doesn’t like you and treats you disrespectfully and you want to “tell her off.”  You cannot.  You must talk only with God about her and ask the Lord to change her ways.  The person of any use to God is the one who prays.  God’s way for us to help people is by letting Christ work through us and He will never do so if we judge them or criticize them.  Have we ever helped anyone with our criticism?  We probably have often hurt them with our criticism, but helped them…most likely not!   We can be certain we have never hurt anyone with our prayers, but we have most assuredly helped every one of those we have prayed for God to come alongside and build into perfection!  Greatness in our Lord’s Kingdom is never determined by our ability to see the faults in others but by our faithfulness to pray for each person God brings our way.

Attachment

Jesus gave a simple expectation of those who have become His disciples.  Remain in me.  The implication is that we might not...that it is not automatic for us.  The great deception that runs rampant through the Church is that we can only get so far with praying and then we have to "do something".  It is as if all the pronouncements of Christ on prayer were the ravings of a lunatic or the naïve expectancies of a child staying up late waiting for Santa Claus to come down through a chimney not built into the home.  We pray but not like Christ told us we could pray.  Of course we give it a shot and then when we get bored with it or frustrated by its "failure" we move on to more important business.    Prayer is not a means by which we achieve something, whatever that achieving might be.  Prayer is what makes something, something.  Unless there is prayer in it, what we do is chasing after the wind; fruitless harvesting.  Jesus, noted, "What good is it  for a man to gain the whole world yet forfeit his soul."  We mistakenly file this comment away as a final judgment saying when it isn't.  It is about life here and now.  If what we strive to gain has nothing of Christ in it, then we have cut out our soul then and there and cast it aside.  Do we not realize that our soul is Christ joined to us in a new personality that is born again?  If our Lord is not in our striving, if we are not so completely attached to Him in what we do that our "soul" is in it, then our striving is fuel for the fires of hell.    God expects us to be immersed in Christ at every moment because we can.  The bloody death of Christ makes it possible for us to be attached to Christ so completely that whatever we do is the will of God and whatever we achieve is good fruit. 

If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.  John 15: 7 NIV