Obedience—The Great Uncovering Step 3

Romans 3:20 NIV

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

Do You Recognize The Source Of Your Longings?

When you get married, most just assume that someday they will have children.  You may want to give yourselves some time to enjoy being newlyweds but most plan on eventually having kids.  We were like most couples in that way.  In fact before we got married, we had already picked out our first daughter’s name.  So when after eight years of being married and six years trying our best to become parents, we were flabbergasted.  In fact we became a bit desperate in our praying when it seemed we might not be able to have children.  I used to watch other people my age holding hands with their kids, pushing their babies along in baby strollers, playing catch at the park, buying their children toys at Christmas and envying them.  Sometimes I could hardly stand to watch young families because I so badly wanted what they had.  It was painful getting family Christmas cards from others with the happy smiles and blissful joy they seemed to have.  Now of course I know how rough it is to get families to all smile together and how difficult parenting is.  But back then, all I could see was the upside of having children and it didn’t seem fair that all these people could have kids and my wife and I couldn’t.  I was like the Grinch…I hated birth announcements and did not want to hear about the accomplishments and milestones of my friends’ kids.  I lusted after their lives…their happy, fun and exciting parent lives.

Nothing rots human personality like envy.  It is perhaps the most destructive force we face.  Envy has led to world wars, murders, suicides and ruined homes.  Nearly every conflict has its root in some form of envy.  Many times longstanding friendships, family relationships and marriages come apart due to some form of envy.  Envy has led to insurmountable debts, broken marriages, fractured families, ruined careers and self-loathing.  It led to the first murder and it will be the cause of the last battle on earth.  Envy led to Satan’s downfall and many billions of downfalls thereafter.  Is it any wonder that the Lord finished His Ten Commandments with a prohibition against practical envy?  "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Exodus 20:17 NIV)

If there was anyone who seemingly had no reason being envious, it would seem to have been Jacob, the founder of the nation Israel. There is not a much greater honor than having an entire nation named after you.  That is what happened with Israel, better known as Jacob.  How many of us have ever had a city or a street named for us?  Israel, better known as Jacob had the great privilege of being spoken of by God before he was born.  When his mother feared that something terrible was happening in her womb, the Lord reassured her that all was well; she simply had twins, fighting twins albeit.  The Lord said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger." (Genesis 25:23 NIV)  The younger was Jacob and his mother was told by God what would come of his life.  As the brothers grew to adulthood, each parent chose one of them as the favorite son.  Jacob’s mother Rebekah loved him the most; his father Isaac loved the older twin Esau best.  The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents.  Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Genesis 25:27-28 NIV)  What this parental favoritism did to the personality of each of the twins we cannot say with certainty but we do know that Jacob envied his brother Esau’s place in the family; coveted in fact what belonged to him, specifically his birthright.

One day Jacob’s older brother Esau came back to camp famished after an unsuccessful hunting trip.  Jacob famously had a pot of stew on the fire and Esau craved some.  Jacob, who clearly had been thinking often of his desire to change places with Esau struck a deal with his brother.  He (Esau) said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!" (That is why he was also called Edom.)  Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright."  "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?"  But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. (Genesis 25:30-33 NIV)  This was indeed a strange transaction yet both sides were apparently quite happy with the trade.  Much is made of Esau’s disregard for his birthright as oldest son but rarely is the biting desire of Jacob to have his brother’s birthright explored.  As we learned earlier of David’s father issues, we see a similar situation here.  Jacob was the lesser son to his father also.  Jacob in his deep seated feelings of rejection and disconnect from his dad, perhaps hoped he could by getting his brother’s birthright erase some of the longstanding pain he felt about his place in the family.

One of the more misunderstood commands of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount is the famous directive on sexual purity.  "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-29 NIV)  This mandate turns on the word “adultery”.  It specifically is a command on marriage vows.  Adultery is the sexual relationship of a married person with someone with whom he or she is not married.  The reverse is also adultery; a single person having a sexual relationship with a married person is also committing adultery.  Adultery is not “sexual immorality” which is any sexual relationship outside of marriage; adultery is a subset of sexual immorality, it is the sin of sexually breaking marriage vows.

What we have here in the Sermon on the Mount is a stern command to not desire sexually someone who by God’s law cannot be yours.  If you are married, or someone else you notice is married, sexual looking is equivalent to adultery.  Jesus has marvelously woven together the seventh command to not commit adultery with the tenth command to not covet what belongs to another person into one very practical order.  Now this is strange perhaps to suggest and may seem even blasphemous but this part of the Sermon on the Mount is not a prohibition against single people sexually looking at other single people.  You may argue that any form of sexual looking is wrong and cite other parts of the Bible to make your point that it is wrong but sexual looking among single people is not the concern of Jesus here.  He is crushing in this stunning connection of lust and adultery the universal practice of wanting something someone else has.

It is typical of children to crave another child’s toy, even to the point of ripping it from her hand. We all have done it; most of us have watched it happen.  Our dog wants our cat’s food and the cat takes the dog’s food.  When adults and teens let their minds feast on another man’s food, it becomes a banquet from hell.  Jacob made his trade with Esau and got his brother’s right as first-born but he still had to have more.  That is the problem with craving.  It can only be stopped by the strong hand of God.  Jacob did not get what he hoped to have in his trade.  His father didn’t like him any more than before; he was still the lesser son.  When Isaac died and Jacob finally got his father’s inheritance, it no longer mattered to him because he was already rich.  The worst part of the trade though was that it fed an insatiable desire to completely usurp his brother’s place in the family and it was Jacob’s mother who found a way to try and gain that lust desire.  When his father Isaac wanted to pass along a special blessing to Esau, Jacob’s mother worked out a plan where Jacob was able to trick his father into giving it to him.  Both his father and his brother Esau were devastated by the deception.  His father shook with rage when he discovered what Jacob had done; Esau’s fury at his brother’s actions turned to thoughts of murder. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." (Genesis 27:41 NIV) Jacob fled his home to escape his brother’s wrath and perhaps even his father’s disgust with him and wound up more than a hundred miles away at the home of his mother’s brother, never to see his beloved mother ever again.

Here is the consequence of Jacob’s coveting.   Jacob wound up essentially being a slave to his uncle for twenty years.  If he had let God work everything out instead of taking matters into his own hands, he could have gone to his uncle with his father’s blessing and with the help of his father’s riches, gained his wife Rachel instantly.  Instead, since Jacob was a fugitive and thus powerless, Laban his uncle took advantage of Jacob and forced him not only to work seven years to gain Laban’s daughter Rachel as a bride but forced him to marry also his other daughter Leah whom he did not want.  This cost him another seven years of forced labor.  He spent fourteen years paying for his covetous desires!  What is worse is that his wives, because of their jealousy of each other pushed Jacob to take on each of their servants as wives too.  Rather than build his family upon the foundation of love and loyalty, it began as a civil war and never stopped being a civil war.  His wives fought the rest of their lives for supremacy in the home not just for themselves but also for their children.  Coveting is passed along to the next generation.  It is a ravenous beast that cannot be satiated without divine intervention.  Covet once what isn’t yours and you will find yourself consumed by poisonous desires unless you let God work His way through you and free your mind of satanic longings.

Remember the first and most destructive temptation is the one to grab for what belongs to someone else.  We can follow our lust like Adam and Eve and just take it like they did the forbidden fruit or because we are afraid of acting upon our impulses, crave it until we are poisoned by the unmet desire.  Jacob lusted for his brother’s blessing because he didn’t think he could ever have his father’s love.  Could it be the same for us?  Is there something we want too much because we still bear a wound that has never healed?  Have we let Satan get in our head and think God is too small to make things right for us?  Are we afraid God is unable to fix what is wrong in us so we look for something else other than God to fix our brokenness?

There is a seldom discussed way God heals the broken parts of our unconscious world.  He does it by thanksgiving.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15-16 NIV) These are not two disconnected thoughts.  The word translated “And” puts them together and makes them one linked whole.  You gain the peace of Christ when you are thankful.  Be thankful and the deep places of pain and hurt and broken dreams and lost hopes are healed by Christ peace.  Where no one can touch the wounds…not a psychologist nor a master teacher…Christ can touch it and he can heal it.  His peace passes into us when we are thankful for what He gives us.  When we look about and think “thank you Lord” for each part of our day, for every experience we encounter, the peace of Christ has more freedom to move about in our unconscious self and take out the poison that kills our happiness.  A thankful mind does not have room to lust after others or crave the things others have.  A thankful mind is a joyful mind.  Satan cannot jump the wall of a mind that is thankful to Christ for what He has done. 

Obedience—The Great Uncovering Step 2

Genesis 28:16 NIV

When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it."

Are You Aware Of God’s Work In You?

Perhaps the most odd of all my actions in college was when I got involved in a “love triangle”.  Now I am sure that the girl in the triangle did not think of herself as being in a love triangle.  She was just having a good time going out with different guys.  My two friends though who liked her and who wanted her to choose between them felt very much like they were in a love triangle; or at least in a very attracted to this girl triangle.  For several weeks each of these two guys pined to me about his affections for her and how he could not tell if she liked him or  was just pulling him along to feed her ego.  I liked these friends and didn’t want either one hurt and so finally when I heard the girl was going out with a third guy at our school, I decided we should do something about this.  A group of us guys snatched her one day, brought her to the school fountain at the front of the campus and tossed her in it.  Now some would say this was a very mean thing to do and although the girl was laughing and mad all at the same time when she got out of the fountain and perhaps in some strange way liked all the male attention she received that day, I was doing something that had to break some rule.  Even though I never read a single regulation in the school handbook prohibiting guys from throwing girls in the fountain, I cannot say that what we did was “right”…funny perhaps but not right.  What struck me in this was that it probably revealed more about me in organizing this prank than it did about Ella who we all thought deserved to be “baptized” in the fountain.  The question is, what did this rebellious and somewhat mean spirited act reveal about me?

We are unconscious beings who carry below the surface a vast assortment of memories, ideas, convictions and desires.  Who we think we are and what we decide about ourselves isn’t necessarily the complete picture and perhaps not even a true picture of us!  There is much to us that we don’t grasp…some we recognize but try to keep from others and a lot that is hidden from us of which a little, unbeknownst to us, has trickled out where it is observed by friends family members and even strangers.  The question is not whether or not we have a significant unconscious world within; it is what shall we do about that unconscious world and will we let it determine key aspects of our lives.

The Bible provides us with rich insight into our inner world and it is of great value to study the people who are described in it.  One of the most important players in the Old Testament is David, the eventual king of Israel whom some would call the greatest of all the Hebrew kings.  David was courageous, intelligent, creative, godly and passionate.  But he also was lusty, narcissistic, bull-headed and ambitious.  He was a wild tangle of conflicted personality traits that God worked through to establish a culture of faith among the Hebrew people and make into a “man after his own heart”. (See 1 Samuel 13: 14)  David knew there was much below the surface of his personality that he didn’t understand and he invited the Lord to probe it.  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV)

There is a powerful and critical way the Lord reveals our hearts to us and it is astounding how effective it is.  The law of God not only defines holy behavior but it also uncovers layers of buried material that unconsciously drive many of our actions.  The Sermon on the Mount is a surprisingly effective way God reveals to us our hearts and the hidden wounded parts of our soul.  Consider just the directive to forgive.  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV)  It is amazing how difficult it is for us to do this.  In fact, it could be argued that it is nearly impossible for many.

The painful description of David’s relationship with his first wife Michal illustrates just how illuminating the law of forgiveness can be.  David was the golden boy of his time, the conquering war hero who could do no wrong.  Yet it is likely that deep resentments that were developed in childhood haunted him.  His father saw so little in David that when the great prophet Samuel came to their town and called for everyone there to meet him for a sacrificial feast, the boy’s dad never bothered to call his youngest son back to the house.  He left David out in the fields tending sheep while every other child of Jesse was at the party.   To get a perspective on this, suppose Michael Jordan or Bill Gates were to come to your neighborhood and everyone on your block was invited to meet him at one of the homes down the street from you.  You had eight sons but brought only seven of them to the meet and greet.  How would it have felt to have been the only child not asked to come?  Later, we see what this mindset of the father did to David’s siblings.  When the older brothers went off to war to fight the Philistines and David’s father sent David to the front lines to bring food to his brothers, the oldest brother had a bitter reaction to David’s natural curiosity about the taunts of the giant Goliath and the way the soldiers planned on responding to Goliath’s challenge to fight him.  When Eliab, David's oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, "Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle." (1 Samuel 17:28 NIV)

Of course, we know that David not only ended up watching the battle but played the most important part in the Israelites winning the fight.  As a result of this bravery and other successful accomplishments in war, David was made a high ranking general in Saul’s army.  His popularity exploded and he was revered by the Israelites.  In fact he was more beloved than the king himself.  This infuriated King Saul and his jealousy inflamed his hatred of David.  The king concocted a plan to have David killed.  He told the boy that if he could somehow kill one hundred Philistines, he would give his daughter Michal in marriage.  Michal was in love with David and it would seem the feelings were mutual for David agreed to the bridal price.  David successfully killed one hundred Philistines and won Michal as his bride but their marital bliss did not last long.  Saul’s hatred of David grew so bitter that it became clear soon Saul would kill him if he did not immediately go into hiding. His wife Michal helped in his escape despite the risk she took enraging her father.  She knew it was possible that he would kill her for the part she played in David’s getaway.  But her love for David was too great for her to worry about her own life.  She had to help David save his.

What followed is tragic. The timeline isn’t clear but this marriage of infatuation and sacrificial love fell apart.  Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five maids, went with David's messengers and became his wife.  David had also married Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both were his wives.  But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David's wife, to Paltiel son of Laish, who was from Gallim. (1 Samuel 25:42-44 NIV)  Did first Saul force Michal to abandon her husband and marry someone he handpicked to replace him or did David first marry Ahinoam and Abigail and as a consequence Michal abandon her marriage to David and marry Paltiel upon her father’s direction?  We don’t know.  Probably Michal was the first one to remarry based upon Saul’s fury with David and Michal’s fear of her father.  David now had been rejected by the two most important men in his life, his father and the king who had taken him under his wing.  Michal may have been a mere pawn in her father’s hand but her rejection of David clearly stung David and his bitterness over her betrayal worked like dry rot in his soul.  He never forgave her.  One might argue that he couldn’t.   He was still the little boy whose father did not think he was good enough to warrant attendance at the party.

Ten years passed.  David had now added at least five more wives and perhaps more, fought a bitter war with Saul’s son and Michal’s brother Ish-Bosheth to gain control of all of Israel and no longer had King Saul to fear due to his death six years before.  Ish-Bosheth’s general Abner had become incensed with Ish-Bosheth and so decided to form an alliance with David and pave the way for David to be king over all Israel.  David was more than happy to make this agreement but first he had a requirement if he was to make peace with Abner and his army.  The general had to bring Michal back to David so that he could force her to be his wife again.  For perhaps ten years Michal had been with her new husband and he loved her deeply.  She was his only wife…he was her only husband.  David on the other hand had at least seven wives and many more he would take later.  What sort of bitterness of soul could lead to such a cold hearted, spiteful demand?  It was an ugly scene.  David told Abner and King Ish-Bosheth, "I will make an agreement with you. But I demand one thing of you: Do not come into my presence unless you bring Michal daughter of Saul when you come to see me." Then David sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, demanding, "Give me my wife Michal, whom I betrothed to myself for the price of a hundred Philistine foreskins."   So Ish-Bosheth gave orders and had her taken away from her husband Paltiel son of Laish.  Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, "Go back home!" So he went back.  (2 Samuel 3:13-16 NIV)

Consider an imaginary conversation taking place between David and Jesus, one much like what happened between Christ and the rich young ruler.  David asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life and Jesus tells him as he tells us all in the Sermon on the Mount to forgive, “Forgive Michal for marrying Paltiel and come follow me.”  David replies, “I can’t; it’s too much to ask, to demand I forgive her!”  Now, why couldn’t he forgive Michal for remarrying?  Why did he make her return to him?  He no longer loved her.  She didn’t love him anymore it seems.  Why couldn’t David just forgive Michal and move on in his life and let her move on too?  What drove his determination to ruin Michal’s life and Michal’s husband’s life even though it is a fundamental principle of God’s Kingdom to forgive those who hurt us?  Perhaps, it was because David always had to prove he was the biggest man in the room, always had to be the conqueror, always needed to have the prize in his hand, always needed to be respected and appreciated.  He could never let anyone get the best of him, never be disrespected. He had a deep seated need to prove his worth, to be someone!  Why might that be?  Perhaps, his bitter disdain for Michal and her needs and his unwillingness to forgive her was rooted in something deep and ugly…perhaps it had to do with his battle to prove his worth to his dad.  Maybe, there was a wound in David’s soul that had never healed and when someone he cared about deeply reminded him of the rejection he experienced when he was a child, he could not let go of the hurt it uncovered.

What if though, everything went in a different direction and the rich young ruler did give up his wealth and follow Jesus and David did forgive Michal for marrying someone else?  Is it possible that in doing the command of God, by forgiving Michal, David might have been freed by God of his need to prove himself, freed of his neurotic need to live up to the expectations of his father?  We cannot say what might have been but we do know this.  The commands of God are not intended to take apart the joy we have in being independent and free.  God’s demands are based in love and if we obey Him, there is power in God to make us more free than we ever thought possible.  Consider the promise found in Malachi made to those who take God seriously enough to do as He commands; who believe that in all His ways He is good, even when He tells us to do something that we feel is too hard to do.  But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. (Malachi 4:2 NIV)